A Fan's Guide To The SEC: Best (Surprising) To Least (Even More Surprising)

Two weeks from now millions of us will once again take part in one of the greatest rituals mankind has developed over the course of its existence. We will wake well before dawn, load the tents, chairs, coolers, grills and satellite TVs into our cars, trucks and SUVs and make the trek to various campuses to begin the best four months on the Gregorian calendar.

Over the years I've had the good fortune to experience the tailgate and game day culture at almost every outpost of the Southeastern Conference, also known as God's Conference. While there are certainly great places to watch football outside the SEC (every college football fan should see a game in Boulder, Colorado once in their life, for example, and I hear great things about Seattle and Madison), I am a firm believer that, top to bottom, the SEC offers the best college football experience in the land.

With that in mind, I got to thinking about the great, and not-so-great, times I've had in SEC country. So, as a public service, I've decided to rank the SEC road trips from Best to Least, rather than West to East. The top two might surprise you, as might the cellar dweller. The point is basically to give us something else to argue about as we count down the seconds to the glorious return of the one thing that somehow divides us and unites us all at the same time: college football.




Tent City: Our little slice of heaven in Athens

In the interest of full disclosure, yes I am a graduate and lifelong fan of the University of Georgia. However I also spent a good part of my professional life covering UGA before I got out of the business of being unbiased about sports. So I will attempt to assess Athens from a neutral perspective. I'm sure you'll let me know if you disagree.

So, without further ado, SEC road trips...from Best to Least:

All smiles in Nashville, as usual

1) Nashville, TN (Vanderbilt University) -- Vanderbilt is just adorable. You just want to pinch its little cheeks and pat it on the head. For the visiting SEC school, Vanderbilt is like winning the lottery at Disneyland...on Christmas Day. Yes, it is possible to lose in Nashville, but I've never witnessed it in person so it's not unlike Bigfoot. It is rare for an SEC school to travel to face a conference opponent and be virtually assured of winning, but that's usually the case at Vanderbilt. For this reason, the fans are exceptionally polite. They seem to attend games in the same way the rest of us might leisurely browse a weekend market. Y'know...just something to pass the time on a nice Saturday afternoon. Even though Vandy possesses the smallest stadium in the SEC tickets are unbelievably easy to come by. One time I simply walked up and bought them at the window. That's right...a stadium ticket window in the SEC, open and functioning, on game day. Usually if you are the visitor there are as many of you as there are Commodore fans, so it becomes a virtual home away from home. After the game, you don't have to worry about traffic but you do have to worry about how to fit everything into the remaining hours of the evening because Nashville is the closest thing the Southeast has to Las Vegas. Tailgating with no trash talk, watching your team win and spending an evening or two on Music Row make this the best road trip in the SEC.

Victory formation in Columbia, MO

2) Columbia, MO (University of Missouri) -- There are two Columbias in the SEC and the one that joined three years ago is light years ahead of the one that joined 23 years ago. I should preface my thoughts on this particular Columbia by saying they might be dated by this point. My first, and thus far only, trip to Columbia, Missouri was the second game of Missouri's first season in the SEC. They seemed almost giddy to welcome us into their culture. As soon as we rolled into town an older gentleman, dressed in Mizzou garb from head to toe, flagged us down and said, "if you want to tailgate with Georgia fans, there are a lot of them parked in that lot just ahead on the right." Now, in most SEC towns, that means you are being directed to the local landfill. But when we rounded the curve...there it was: A sea of Red and Black. We were home. The campus is beautiful and walkable. The stadium is small by SEC standards, but nice. The atmosphere is great. The fans were excited but not obnoxious. Columbia is also situated exactly halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City. The proximity to two major cities make the entertainment options endless for the visitor. We stayed in KC to hit a Royals game at the beginning of our trip and then ended it at Arrowhead Stadium watching the Falcons destroy the Chiefs. Since we stayed in Kansas City, I don't have much in the way advice about the town of Columbia itself (though I CAN tell you Kansas City might be the most underrated metropolis in America). Columbia looked nice and clean as we drove through. Since then, Mizzou has won the SEC East twice so things may have changed, but this was one of the most pleasant places I've ever watched a game.  Extra Credit: Missouri is the alma mater of my broadcasting hero, Skip Caray.


Making a new friend in Oxford

3) Oxford, MS (University of Mississippi) -- The rest of the nation found out last season what those of us in the SEC have known for years. When College GameDay made its maiden voyage to The Grove in Oxford last year, it was the first time the show was as much about the tailgate scene as the game itself. The announcers wore tuxedos, the unequaled Sam Ponder toured the various tents and, at one point, there was a butler on set. The fact that Katy Perry was on my screen sealed the deal. The classic interaction between her and Lee Corso may have been the show's finest hour. It also perfectly encapsulated game day in Oxford. It's just fun. From the chandeliers to the fine china to the "Hotty Toddy Potties" (as the Port-O-Lets are labeled) to the various farm animals that take up residence at tailgates (we had our picture taken with a goat in an Ole Miss sweater), it's all just perfect. But they take their football seriously as well. The "Walk of Champions" is quite a spectacle as the Rebels march through the tailgates into Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. The stadium itself isn't my favorite. I hate stadiums that are divided so you can't walk from one side to the other. I like to explore when I'm in new surroundings, especially once the game is out of hand. The other drawback is Oxford itself. Its tiny. Not like Starkville tiny, but tiny. We stayed in nearby Tunica at the casinos that, to my understanding, have since closed. So my next trip I guess we'll headquarter in Memphis. I can think of worse things.



Ten years and counting...

4) Athens, GA (University of Georgia) -- I know, I know. I'm going to keep this brief because I know every non-Georgia fan out there is going to think this is biased anyway. But, quite simply, there is no better fusion of stadium, campus and town than Athens. You can tailgate, walk to the game and then walk to the downtown repeatedly recognized as one of the best college towns in America without moving your car. And that's another thing. You don't SEE cars on Saturday in Athens. No one tailgates at their car. Everyone drops their stuff off and then hides their vehicle somewhere else. It creates an almost Rockwellian picture of what fall Saturdays should be. Whenever fans of other schools find out I'm a Georgia fan they look at me like I just bonded out of jail. "Every Georgia fan I've met is so obnoxious," they'll say. Every school has their loudmouths, but I'm not sure what Georgia fans they're meeting. First, most Georgia fans are harder on their own team than anyone else. It comes from growing up listening to the great Larry Munson and Vince Dooley constantly convince us we had little to no shot, no matter who we were playing. Second, I've tailgated in the same spot for more than a decade. That spot is right next to Myers Quad, which is the epicenter of student tailgating. It's where College GameDay and SEC Nation set up when they visit Athens. In all that time I've never seen anything get out of hand. The worst thing I've seen is what tailgaters did to North Campus after the Auburn "Blackout" game in 2007, but that is not the norm. Speaking of students, when I was in school they had a habit of celebrating big moments by throwing full cups of...um...we'll say Coke...into the air. Of course, that means someone somewhere was going to get drenched. But I sat in the student section again for a big game a couple of years ago. I was actually impressed with how much better behaved they were than what I remembered.  Sanford Stadium itself is, without question, one of the top five on-campus college football venues in America, nestled perfectly into the middle of campus as if it grew there organically. Even most of Georgia's rivals acknowledge that. Athens isn't perfect. I don't have words to describe post-game traffic. And if you want to stay in town on a game night you better know somebody or take out a loan. There are only a handful of decent hotels and they fill up for game days in, like, April. But for a pure college football experience I'll put Athens up against anyone anywhere. Bring it. Now...if you plan on wearing the other team's colors out downtown after midnight...you're on your own.

Okay, that wasn't brief. But it's as brief as I can be when talking about the University of Georgia.

I'm not in this pic, but this was my view in 2002

5) Auburn, AL (Auburn University) -- Okay, on THIS one I may be biased. Some of my greatest experiences as a visiting fan have occurred in the Loveliest Village on The Plains. (For you Auburn fans reading...thankfully I did not make the trip for the "Prayer At Jordan-Hare". But I was there for the 38-0 drubbing in 2012, Greene-To-Johnson to win the East in 2002 and the four-overtime thriller in '96). I've been to Auburn as a visitor five times. I plan to make it six this November. Only once have I left on the wrong side of the scoreboard. That was in 2004 when Auburn went undefeated but failed to make it into the BCS Championship Game. I grew up in Columbus, GA where the fan base is divided almost equally between Georgia and Auburn fans despite the fact that Auburn is 30 minutes away and Athens is nearly four hours. Until I moved to Atlanta as a teenager this game was THE game on the calendar. The same way Georgia fans in Augusta look forward to South Carolina or those in Chattanooga look forward to Tennessee. That said, and maybe it's because I was a kid, the rivalry between Georgia and Auburn always seemed to be a bit more cordial than most. Maybe it's because Pat Dye played for us and coached them and Vince Dooley played for them and coached us. Maybe it's because of how close the rivalry has been...or that it's the oldest in the Deep South. Whatever it is, there's always seemed to be a mutual respect. And the games are usually barn burners. Jordan-Hare is a great place to watch a game. The War Eagle's flight into the stadium to welcome the Tigers onto the field is something every college football fan should see in person, as long as he doesn't fly into a window. It's proximity to I-85 makes it easy to get into and out of. They even have hedges. You can never go wrong with hedges. The only bad thing that ever happened to me in Auburn was after that 2002 game. We decided to visit a local establishment to celebrate. Auburn fans threw peanuts at us. Not a shower of them, mind you. Like one every two minutes hoping we wouldn't catch on. That's it. If the worst thing that happens to you in an opposing team's town is being hit with a couple of legumes...you've had a good trip.

Really looking forward to seeing this in person

6) College Station, TX (Texas A&M University) -- As I mentioned above, I have experienced MOST of the game day locations in the SEC. College Station, due to Texas A&M's recent entry into the league, is among the four that I have not had the pleasure of seeing first hand. Two of those four I'm relying on second hand accounts. College Station and Fayetteville I'm going strictly on hearsay. So here is what I hear they say about College Station: They kiss girls after every touchdown. Sold. They also have "Yell Practice" the night before every game and don't get me STARTED on my love for Reveille. All make the "12th Man" concept what it is. Texas A&M earns the Number 6 spot on this list sight unseen because all of that sounds phenomenal and, while I haven't experienced it in person, you can bet I will when Georgia makes its first trip to College Station. I have a feeling Texas A&M will move up after I do.

Celebrating a third straight win in Knoxville

7) Knoxville, TN (University of Tennessee) -- Along with Auburn, I've been to Knoxville more than any other SEC destination outside of Athens. Ironically one of the only UGA games I've missed in Knoxville in the last two decades may be the most memorable. I put Knoxville right in the middle of this list because it's like something out of a Dickens novel: The best of times and the worst of times. The tailgating atmosphere may be the most unique in the SEC. It's one of only two college stadiums in the nation where you can drive your boat right up to the stadium and tailgate (the Tennessee River runs right next to Neyland Stadium). It provides for great views and great times. The problem is, once you're done tailgating, you have to go inside Neyland Stadium which, for my money, is the second-worst in the SEC. Vol fans love to talk about the 100K+ seating capacity. You know why they can fit that many people in there? Because if you weigh more than 200 pounds (which I do not), you probably need to buy two seats. And no matter how many you buy you'll never see them anyway because the only way they can shoehorn everyone in there is for everyone to stand up and face to the side like you're in a police lineup. You're either going to get REAL familiar with the person next to you or you're going to get a crick in your neck. Also, if you happen to trip on your way down the stairs, you may not stop rolling until you reach midfield. The stadium itself is just a dump. If there were two buildings in the U.S.A. I believe should be imploded, both are on this list starting with Neyland Stadium. It's an aesthetic nightmare. From the outside you can see every part that has been added over the years without any concern for making it match what existed before. It looks like a cross between a quilt and Pripyat. My last trip the antique plumbing finally gave way and there was a beautiful waterfall of who-knows-what cascading from various holes in the stadium's façade. But, yeah...no the river is nice.

Sums up my trip to Death Valley in 2008

8) Baton Rouge, LA (Louisiana State University) -- LSU routinely ranks at or near the top of every national organization's "Best Tailgate" list every year and I have to say...I don't get it. Maybe it's the sheer volume of it. It's row upon row of people tailgating next to their cars in parking lots right next to the stadium. That's not college. That's the NFL. Which makes sense since most of the organizations creating these rankings are based in the Northeast and are very NFL-centric. Don't get me wrong. The food is phenomenal and unique to Louisiana and there is no more rabid fan base in all of sports. But I just expected more. Maybe my expectations were too high. The crowd was very esoteric. Most campuses you'll walk by in the other team's colors and be booed, spit on (we'll get to that) or offered a sample of the local cuisine. In Baton Rouge it was as if we were invisible. We walked from our car to the stadium without any interaction with the home team fans. The stadium is cool and Mike the Tiger is a spectacle to behold. Death Valley is every bit as loud as advertised, though I didn't find it particularly deafening...and I was on the field for the game. That said, my one trip there kicked off at 2:30pm local time. I hear night games are a completely different animal and I have no reason not to believe that. One distinct advantage of the LSU road trip:  You can stay in New Orleans. Despite my unending, fire-breathing hatred of the Saints and everything they stand for, there are worse places to spend the night before and of a college football game than Bourbon Street.

No actual pic of my trip to UF because cameras hadn't been invented

9) Gainesville, FL (University of Florida) -- "But wait," you say, "Florida and Georgia play in Jacksonville every year. How can you rank Gainesville?" Well, as fate would have it, what is now known as EverBank Field in Jacksonville was being built while I was in college. So, for the first time in decades, Georgia and Florida played a home-and-home series. Unfortunately for those of us wearing Red and Black, it happened to occur as Georgia was suffering through its worst few years of the past half-century and Florida was starting to click on all cylinders under Steve Spurrier. So I made the trip to Gainesville knowing full well Georgia was going to get annihilated, but also knowing it may be my only chance to go in my lifetime, at least if the city of Jacksonville has anything to say about it. Here's what I remember: It was miserable. The game, yes, but mostly the weather. It was about 90 degrees on the first weekend of November with about 95% humidity. It was one of those days when you're wetter when you get out of the shower than you were when you were actually IN the shower. The rain held off until around halftime, when it unleashed a fury of Amazonian proportions. The façade of the stadium was attractive, and you've probably seen it in the background when College GameDay sets up shop there. But it proved to be kind of like a Halloween mask. The rest of "The Swamp" was unremarkable. Nothing really stood out good or bad. The band playing the music from "Jaws" leading into "Go Gators!" was a crowd-pleaser. But the coolest thing about Ben Hill Griffin Stadium may be its accessibility on non-game days. During the week...and even during the overnight hours...students can run the stadium steps or simply take a selfie. Quite frankly, that's how it should be. It's part of the campus and part of your school. You shouldn't be limited to enjoying it seven Saturdays a year. There was ample room around the stadium for tailgating and it's a short walk to the nightlife scene. So if you like sitting in a sauna fully clothed, then taking a shower fully clothed...Gainesville may be for you.

Another partial sellout in Lexington

10) Lexington, KY (University of Kentucky) -- True story: I was conceived in Kentucky and, were it not for a change in my Dad's career path during the ensuing nine months, I may have grown up with an affinity for Big Blue. But I didn't. I'm yet to experience a football game in Lexington, but I have a few longtime tailgate companions who have. I DID venture to the Bluegrass State to watch UGA play basketball at Rupp Arena, which may be the more authentic UK experience. Regardless of the sport, Lexington is unimpressive for a visiting college fan. Commonwealth Stadium is small and off-campus. Rupp Arena is also off-campus. I was so excited about seeing this "legendary arena of college basketball", but it was basically a smaller version of the old Omni in Atlanta. Imagine any run-of-the-mill Civic Center in Anytown, U.S.A and that's Rupp Arena...unless you bleed Blue. Even worse, they roll up the sidewalks in Lexington at 1am local time. There were nights in Athens when I didn't go OUT until 1am local time. I have no idea how this passes for acceptable in a college town in the 21st century. Among the positives are the proximity to horse tracks, the milder weather and the cheap hotels because it's a larger city. It also has that Vandy thing going for it. I'm told most of the FOOTBALL fans assume they are going to lose so they just want you to enjoy your trip. Basketball....not so much.

In lieu of cowbell, my friend only has this

11) Starkville, MS (Mississippi State University) -- This is another campus which I am yet to visit, but I do have several friends who have been there on the visitor's side so I asked for their opinions.  The consensus is this: Not a bad place to watch a game, but not a good one either. Over the years Starkville has earned the nickname "Stark Vegas". It's basically like calling Manhattan, Kansas "The Little Apple". It's not meant as a compliment. Starkville is not exactly the most exotic locale in the SEC, or in Mississippi or anywhere else in the solar system. My friends reported that most tailgaters didn't show up until around 2pm for a 7pm game. That's blasphemy. My friends wanted one souvenir and one souvenir only to take home from their Starkville trip...the trademark cowbell. So they went to the main campus bookstore hours before kickoff and....the bookstore was out of cowbells. Really, Mississippi State??? Get it together. That's like Gainesville running out of denim. Do you and do it right.

I think this is Razorback Stadium, but not sure since I haven't been there

12) Fayetteville, AR (University of Arkansas) -- This concludes our tour of the few campuses I have not been to. But it's Arkansas. And it's not even Little Rock, Arkansas. I will say every time I think of Arkansas I hear the refrain in my head of a very well-hydrated tailgate friend of mine screaming "I love the DAWGS, and I HATE THE HAWGS" over and over before a game in Athens a few years back. I can't imagine there's much else to say about Fayetteville, yet it still has to be better than...

Williams-Brice Stadium in Columbia, South Carolina

13) Columbia, SC (University of South Carolina) -- You ever stand at the counter of a McDonald's, look over at the fry machine and think "Man, that's the life"? All those fries, packed in tightly under a heat lamp? That's what it feels like watching a game at Williams-Brice Stadium. All they need is a drone to pass overhead at halftime dropping salt all over us. This place is dreadful. Remember when I said there were two buildings in the U.S. that I would implode? This is the other one. It's ugly, it's hard to navigate, it's hotter than the surface of the sun, the line to get in is inexplicably long, then when you get in you fight even longer lines.  It sits in the middle of what can best be described as an industrial park without the industry. I'm told South Carolina has a beautiful campus, but you wouldn't know it because it's miles away from the stadium and hidden behind an equally unattractive downtown. But the worst part about a game at Williams-Brice Stadium is the fans. Not once..NOT ONCE have I walked into the stadium with my ticket, gone to my seat and found it waiting for me. Instead, no matter the section, I always find so-and-so's drunken friend who got separated from his group and decided to set up fort in my seats. "Be cool, man...just be cool," the garnet-and-black-clad fans will beg. So, not wanting to be "that guy", you end up sharing what are supposed to be two seats with four people. Their fans are maybe the cockiest in the SEC, no pun intended, and there may be no fan base with less of a reason to BE cocky. They're like that friend that will argue and argue until you get too tired to argue any more and then they claim they won. And don't get me started on the artificial noise. Between "Sandstorm" and the rooster crow they get more decibels out of less accomplishment than any other school in America.  But Columbia, SC is STILL not the least attractive place to visit in the SEC. Nope, that title belongs to the undisputed champion...

Tuscaloosa...before things got weird

14) Tuscaloosa, AL (University of Alabama) -- Here's the problem with Alabama fans: Most of them who read this will take what I'm about to write as a compliment. Alabama fans possess a particular kind of crazy that would make Lindsay Lohan blush. There's a reason stuff like this happens in Alabama and not anywhere else. Wanna do your own little experiment at home? Try this: Ask any Alabama fan their opinion of 'Bama fan Harvey Updyke's poisoning of the legendary oaks at Toomer's Corner in Auburn. Never, not once, will you get the appropriate response of "He's crazy. He was out of line and wrong and I denounce his actions." I know multiple Alabama fans, and they've all had the same answer. They'll look at you with a wry smile and paraphrase Mr. Updyke's own explanation that he had "too much Bama in him". If you have that much ANYTHING in you, please do society a favor and check yourself into the nearest facility that has a full inventory of mind and mood altering drugs. Georgia only plays in Tuscaloosa once every ten years or so, so I've only been there twice. I've experienced a loss and a win. After the loss, when Georgia blew a nine point lead in the fourth, I returned to my car to find my Georgia flags ripped out of my windows with a note that read "Roll Tide". Unfortunately there was not a check attached to that note to cover the cost of the damage to my vehicle. But as bad as that was, it didn't compare to the horror of WINNING at Bryant-Denny Stadium. In 2006 Georgia walked off against Alabama in overtime. When the game ended our experience began. Immediately, drunken angry Alabama fans started blocking our access to the exits. I should point out that we were incredibly docile the entire game until the very end when, as any fan would upon winning in overtime, we did a little jumping and a little hugging. I was hit with what can best be described as a makeshift cardboard Yellow Hammer, then challenged to a fist fight in the concourse. I have to imagine that's Alabama-ese for "hope you enjoyed your trip, please drive home safely." After we finally exited the stadium our walk back to our car through countless Alabama tailgates was met with multiple things being thrown at us, some of them liquid, none of which I care to know the origin. It reminded me of Clarice Starling's first interaction with Multiple Miggs in The Silence Of The Lambs. Positives? Pretty campus, nice town, good tailgate scene (before the game, at least) and great tradition. I like the ladies clad in houndstooth skirts and hats. I like the fact that Bear Bryant's voice still bellows from the speakers when the Crimson Tide takes the field, much like Larry Munson's in Athens. They even have a weirdish video that makes it appear as though Coach Bryant is speaking from beyond the grave. I couldn't hear it because the UGA band was playing during that part of the pregame.

Maybe that's why they threw stuff at us.